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December 12, 2011


With what can you describe the amount of Love the Lord has towards you and me. Ps.103 verse 14 tells us He knoweth our frame and he remembers we are dusts. Beloved, no matter what you are going through, stay strong and stay focussed for it will all come to pass. Jesus cares for you much more than you can ever imagine.

Mt 14:19 And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and took the five loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude. 
Mt 6:25 ¶ Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
 Lu 12:22 ¶ And he said unto his disciples, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on.

Lu 12:29 And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. He is praying constantly for you and needs your attention, because He has an assignment for you. That;s the sole reason why He is still keeping you alive till date, and may you live to fulfill your destiny in Jesus name, Amen.
I'll like to hear from you, mail me on: or call for counselling:
victorwaves on 2348033552630.
Your miracle is just a step away.

August 1, 2011

10 Rules for Friendly Fighting for Couples

For some people, this is a truly radical idea: There is no need to fight with your partner. Ever. Accusations, recriminations, character assassination, threats, name-calling, and cursing, whether delivered at top volume or with a quiet sarcastic sneer, damage a relationship, often irrevocably. Nobody needs to be a monster or to be treated monstrously. Nobody who yells will ever be heard. In the heat of a moment, it is always a choice whether to go for a run or run your partner down. 

On the other hand, no two people in the world, no matter how made for each other they feel, will ever agree about everything at all times. (It would be quite boring if they did.) Couples do need to be able to negotiate differences. They do need to have room for constructive criticism. They do need a way to assert opinions and to disagree. And they do need to have a way to express intense feelings.
Below are some tips to ensure that conflicts will strengthen your marriage instead of harm it.

Embrace conflict.  There is no need to fear it. Conflict is normal, even healthy. Differences between you mean that there are things you can learn from each other. Often conflict shows us where we can or need to grow. 

Go after the issue,  not each other. Friendly fighting sticks with the issue. Neither party resorts to name calling or character assassination. It’s enough to deal with the problem without adding the new problem of hurting each other’s feelings. 

Listen respectfully. When people feel strongly about something, it’s only fair to hear them out. Respectful listening means acknowledging their feelings, either verbally or through focused attention. It means never telling someone that he or she “shouldn’t” feel that way. It means saving your point of view until after you’ve let the other person know you understand that they feel intensely about the subject, even if you don’t quite get it.               
Talk softly. The louder someone yells, the less likely they are to be heard. Even if your partner yells, there’s no need to yell back. Taking the volume down makes it possible for people to start focusing on the issues instead of reacting to the noise. 

Get curious, not defensive. Defending yourself, whether by vehemently protesting your innocence or rightness or by turning the tables and attacking, escalates the fight. Instead of upping the ante, ask for more information, details, and examples. There is usually some basis for the other person’s complaint. When you meet a complaint with curiosity, you make room for understanding. 

Ask for specifics. Global statements that include the words “always” and “never” almost always get you nowhere and never are true. When your partner has complaints, ask to move from global comments of exasperation to specific examples so you can understand exactly what he or she is talking about. When you have complaints, do your best to give your partner examples to work with.
Find points of agreement. There almost always are parts of a conflict that can be points of agreement. Finding common ground, even if it’s agreeing that there is a problem, is an important start to finding a common solution. 

Look for options. Fighting ends when cooperation begins. Asking politely for suggestions or alternatives invites collaboration. Careful consideration of options shows respect. Offering alternatives of your own shows that you also are willing to try something new.

Make concessions.  Small concessions can turn the situation around. If you give a little, it makes room for the other person to make concessions too. Small concessions lead to larger compromises. Compromise doesn’t have to mean that you’re meeting each other exactly 50-50. Sometimes it’s a 60-40 or even 80-20 agreement. This isn’t about scorekeeping. It’s about finding a solution that is workable for both of you. 
Make peace. An elderly friend who has been married for 68 years tells me that she and her husband made a rule on their wedding day never to go to bed angry. They agreed from the outset that the relationship is more important than winning arguments. Sometimes this meant they stayed up very, very late until they came to a workable compromise. Sometimes it meant that one or the other of them decided the issue wasn’t really important enough to lose sleep over. Since they both value the marriage, neither one gave in or gave up most of the time. When one did give in or give up, the other showed appreciation and made a peace offering of his or her own. These folks still love each other after 68 years of the inevitable conflicts that come with living with another person. They are probably onto something.

How can family squabbles be best reseolved? In your words, mail me on:

July 28, 2011


Women nag about their husbands’ uselessness because it makes them feel more feminine. From a new study researchers insist that men’s lack of effort on the domestic front could actually be a myth created by their partners, as female breadwinners feel guilty about devoting too much time to their career, and not enough to their role of wife and mother.
By complaining about their husbands' alleged shortcomings, they feel more feminine because they can control the traditionally female role of maintaining the home and family.
“Working women who provide the majority of the household's income continue to articulate themselves as the ones who see household messes and needs as a way to retain claim to an element of traditional female identity,”
The researchers say that nagging about their husbands’ inability to do specific household chores, female breadwinners try to make sure that they still fit gender stereotypes of a wife as someone who manages the home and children.
“By directing the housework done by their husbands, they maintain a sense of control over the traditionally feminine sphere of the home”.

Can you share with me why most women NAG!
Mail me:

June 29, 2011


The Elements of Blessings and Curses 
What is a curse? The simplest way to define a curse is to say it is the opposite of a blessing. But this is so simple and would easily make some to easily label anything bad a curse. 
It is scripturally true that the whole creation is under a curse or bondage from God having fallen through the Original Sin of Adam and Eve. “Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned,” Romans 5:12.
“For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God,” Romans 8:20-21.
Yet the context that we’d define such a type of a curse or bondage is only in the context of the Original Sin that God brought on all creation. Outside the context of the Original Sin we’d end up labelling everything bad thing in our lives a curse. Even persecution, trials of faith, every sickness, every failure, every accident, every type of poverty, carrying the spiritual cross, and so on would be labelled curses. 
1.  Blessings
a.  Bountiful provision.
b.  Protection and security.
c.  Peace and Harmony.
d.  Love the motivating force.
2.  Curses
a.  Loss or theft.
b.  Destruction or hurt.
c.  Strife and conflict.
d.  Fear the motivating force.
Sources of a Curse
1. Violation of the Law - the Old Covenant.
2. The words of man
a.  Noah cursed his son's generations.
b.  Curses of the Patriarchs on their children.
c.  Peter curses Ananias and Sapphira.
3. Associations 
a.  Identification with another person.
b.  Transmitted through conversation.
4. Family generations
a.  Third and fourth generations.
b.  Family sicknesses and disease.
c.  Family poverty.
d.  Family conflicts. 
5.  Breaking the spiritual Links - cut the umbilical cord.
a.  Break links with parents.
b.  Break links with spouse.
c.  Break links with other family members.
d.  Break links with other believers.
Dealing with curses
1.  Deal first with personal sin.
Temporal Values.
2.  The Law of Judgement.
Look for the signs. 
Let go of the judgment.
3.  Family generations
Apply James 4:7
Submit to God.
Resist the devil.
4.  Associations
a.  Break spiritual links with daily contacts.
b.  Deal with words spoken against you.
Mostly other believers.
Do not permit bitterness.
Send words back where necessary.
c.  Contamination may be removed by prayer
Hold it up to the Lord.
Transmute it out of darkness into light.
Speak blessing on it.

June 23, 2011


The world has seen quite a few ministry scandals over the past year. Fortunately, these are 10 tips on how you can prevent scandal in your own life. 
Here is a summary.
Live a humble, transparent life.
Stay open to correction. 
Audit your actions regularly. 
Stay in touch with the real world.
Ministry is about loving people. But you will never develop compassion unless you are close enough to the grass roots to smell the poverty, lay hands on the sickness and cry with those who are in pain.
Don’t allow people to make you a celebrity.
Make family a priority.
Live modestly and give extravagantly.
Don’t build your own kingdom.    
Develop keen discernment.
Maintain your spiritual passion.

People who experience moral failure almost always lose their spiritual passion first.
No matter how scandalous it just might seem, still ask God for forgiveness for He still cares. 

June 21, 2011


What is a vision?
A vision is a deeply held picture of where a person or group wants to get to in the future. When everyone in a group thoroughly understands and shares the same vision they become intensely motivated. They will apply their whole selves to achieve their vision.
A holistic vision
The vision needs to engage the whole person if it is to be powerfully motivating. The richer it is, the more people will commit to it. Thus, a vision can use pictures and words. It can appeal to the mind and the emotions. It can make financial and spiritual sense. Creating one requires logic and imagination. All the stakeholders in the business, including customers and suppliers would own a shared holistic vision. All would say "It means so much to me to be part of this venture".
Practical methods
You can use these methods and others for developing groups and individuals. You can also mix elements of the methods to suit the situation and culture.
Pairs and share
Ask people to think about how they would like things to be in their work or life. Ask people to take turns listening to each other as they each explore this question. Then ask each person to summarise the main points of their vision to the total group. Encourage the group to listen and avoid criticism. At the end, focus on the common vision. Set up a planning process where people work together to achieve their vision.
You can use a picture of your vision to make it concrete and attractive. When you describe the picture and what it means to you, you use your imaginative and logical side. You often get surprising insights from your own and other people's pictures. Perhaps we edit our imagination less than our logic. The pictures create the data about how an individual wants things to be. Then share the data in the group, focus it and decide what to do. Pairs and share (above) is one good method. Another is to use the "Verb/Noun" process described below.
When a team has developed a common direction, they can easily agree on the priority issues that they need to work on to achieve it.
In change management
Managing change is a three-step process. You have to be clear about how things are now, about how you want things to be in the future, and about how to get there. 

You can use any of the methods above to create clarity on all three steps.