JOKES AND HUMOUR

INTELLIGENT DADDY!
The youngest son in the family asked his father,
Son: Daddy, what is the difference between "potentially" and "reality"
Dad: I will show you. He turned to his wife and asked: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for two million dollars?"
Wife: Yes. I would never waste such an Opportunity to become a millionaire.
Dad: Then dad turned to his daughter: Would you sleep with Will Smith for 1 million dollars? Daughter: Yes. That is my fantasy.
Dad: Dad turned to his older son: Would you sleep with Denzel Washington for 1 million dollars?
Son: Yes. Imagine what I would do with 1 million.
Dad: Dad to his youngest son: You see "potentially" we are sitting on 4 million. But in "reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay. My son, you see what money can do.
Friends,…………………………Please be cautious!


HOT SLAP!
A woman wanted to reach her husband but discovered that she was out of credit, she instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After Junior has called, he got back to Mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up Daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching Dad on the mobile. She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway; she rushed out and gave him a tight slap. Then she slapped him again for good measure. People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked Junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called. Junior said: ''The subscriber you have dialed is not available.



LOVE IS BLIND!
Two lovers decided to commit suicide together but while they were standing on a very high cliff. The guy decided to jump first, but when it was the girl's turn to jump, she closed her eyes and walked away saying " True love is blind". The guy mid air opened his parachute and said " True love never dies. Be careful folks you just can not predict women.


KISSES UNLIMITED!
Husband writes: Dear Sweetheart, I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart Your husband Allen.
Wife: His wife replies after some day- Dearest sweetheart, Thanks for your 100 kisses, attached is the expenses details. 1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk. 2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses. 3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent. 4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items........... 5. Other expenses 40 kisses Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance. Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise. Ur sweetheart...........


SON OF A DONKEY!
A car was involved in an accident on a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter who was very anxious to get this story could not get near the car. Being a clever and experienced reporter, he started shouting loudly, “Let me through! let me through!! I am the son of the victim.” The crowd made way for him … Lying in front of the car was a DONKEY....


GOOD NAME, RICH NAME!
An Ibo man was converted to Islam, after all said and done; he was asked what name he would like to bear. He was given options of Ibrahim (Abraham), Suleiman (Solomon), Musa (Moses) and a host of others. The Ibo man asked of what good the names were, then the Imam said if you choose any name, there will be hope that God will bless you the way He blessed those with the names originally. The Ibo man thought for a while………………and then asked the Imam "how about Dangote?"


WALK OR CROSS OVER!
An Ibo man went to Jerusalem...On arriving at the sea of Galilee, he asked how much to cross over. The boatman said $500 and the Ibo man screamed...' Chineke! No wonda Jesus waka 4 water' !!!..KEEP WALKING WITH JESUS! Cheers to a lovely day. Have a lovely week ahead. Jesus Loves You!


MARKETING GIMMICKS!
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing.
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising.
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number.
4. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing.


PREGNANT FOR WHO!
110-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never felt better," he replies. I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season but one day he's in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him. He raises his umbrella, points it at the beaver, squeezes the handle, and BAM! the beaver drops dead in front of him." That's impossible," said the old man in disbelief, "someone else must have shot that beaver!" ”Exactly,” said the doctor. …….how come is ur wifeee pregnant???


GOOD PRAYER INDEED!
A man entered a bus and he was sitting between an old woman and a beatiful young girl. All of a sudden, he fell asleep, when he woke up, he found himself laying his head on the old woman's lap. When he saw her face, he said "Lord, lead me not into temptation and he slept again. When he woke up the second time, he found out that he was laying his head, this time on the beautiful girl's lap. When he saw her pretty face, then he smiled and said "Oh Lord, let thy will be done...Smile it off and have a great day...


WHAT A GRAMMAR!
Simple English: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
Chris Okotie english : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles....., hulalaaaaa.


SIXES AND SEVENS!
Why is six afraid of seven? Because, already, seven ate nine (7, 8, 9)!


CATCH THEM IF U CAN!
Please don't laugh loud. In United States of America they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it out to different countries for a test. · USA, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves,· Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 6000 thieves,· Nigeria, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen. Have a wonderful day and week.


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